Spent Valentine’s Day with JB trying to be unromantic, we had fun,
Lawyered my ex-landlord,
Guy from school took advantage of me while I was drunk (grabbing and stuff),
Started avoiding school as much as possible
Broke it off with JB,
Spring break in Denver,
Met who would become Manfriend,
Had an amazing 23-hour first date with Manfriend,
Barrister’s Ball, still anxious and depressed about what happened at the last school function
Friend from high school died,
Navy sister went to Afghanistan,
Manfriend stopped talking to me for almost 4 weeks,
Finished my second semester of law school,
Slept with T,
Got my tonsils out,
T told me he couldn’t speak to me anymore (made up with his gf),
Throat ruptured a week after my surgery, all alone and gushing blood, literally thought I was dying for about 30 minutes, ambulance took me to the hospital,
Lost 15 lbs, went from a size 4 to a 2
Another fight with Manfriend, he didn’t speak to me for 2 weeks,
Slept with JB a few times while Manfriend wasn’t speaking to me,
Had a terrible terrible experience with an edible, which I will never do again (or eat Jimmy John’s again),
Made up with Manfriend,
Finished my summer externship,
Lost my scholarship (2.9, needed a 3.0)
Moved out of my dreaded apartment and into an awesome house by City Park with two awesome dudes,
Went back to Michigan for 9 days,
Started my second year of law school,
Got my second tattoo with my girl Lynds
School got to be overwhelming,
Grandpa died (the best Grandpa I could ask for), flew to Detroit for the funeral, heartbreaking,
Anxiety going from bad to horrible,
Navy sister (a year younger than me) came back from Afghanistan,
Manfriend broke up with me
Navy sister got engaged,
Really really really depressed about Manfriend,
Went through my I’m-single-again-so-party-every-night-and-get-wasted phase,
Streets of London stopped carding me,
Got an OK Cupid account and 100 messages the first weekend,
Went on one good OKC date (sorry I didn’t hang again, kind of) and one very terrible date (sorry I let you kiss me),
JB became my friend with benefits,
JB and I got robbed at gunpoint,
Stopped going out,
Got my third tattoo: JB and I got matching unicorn tattoos (BFFs!)
Visited my Navy sister in California for Thanksgiving,
Really really missed JB while I was gone
JB and I were becoming more than just FWB’s,
Finally saw a shrink about my anxiety,
Halfway finished with law school,
Went back to Michigan for Christmas, got food poisoning and only got to see one of my friends,
JB and I became “official” on Facebook
Last year around this time, I hung out a couple times with this guy I’ll call Joe. We didn’t go on any real dates, and the only thing I can remember is one time hanging with him and his friend at Bender’s, making out, him sleeping over, and me making him guacamole.
A week or two later, I ran into him at Streets of London, we hung out for a while, and through his friends, I ended up meeting my last boyfriend.
Fast-forward to March. Joe all of a sudden starts liking a lot of stuff on my Facebook. Then it’s his birthday, and like I do for pretty much everyone, I wish him a happy birthday. He texts me saying I should go out with him and his friends to celebrate. I say maybe, and we end up texting back and forth for a little bit that day catching up… mostly because I was really bored and waiting for the mechanic to finish fixing my car. Then he started getting flirty, which was weird, as I could very well be in a relationship for all he knew… In reality, I was still sort of seeing J Babes.
Since then, he’ll comment on pictures on my Facebook, telling me how cute I am… and of course, still comment on and like my other shit.
He’ll also text me every couple of weeks… sometimes, like yesterday, he texted just my name with an exclamation point. (What? Why?) Or he’ll invite me to hang out. One time I woke up in the morning to a text from him at 1am. Umm… Hello? Do you know what my life is? Every time he invites me out, I say I can’t I’m studying. Why would I be down to get wasted on a Wednesday night?
Speaking of… he just texted me again: “Wanna come get drunk with me?”
I don’t know if I should ignore it, or just be like, “sorry, can’t, studying forever.”
I hate to be rude and ignore him… it would be one thing if he just wanted to be friends, but it’s pretty clear that he has abandoned the friend-zone and is deep in the creep-zone.
Mother of God, I am getting so annoyed.
Why… after having your number for a year and never contacting you… after I gave another guy my number while we were hanging out, who turned into a boyfriend… would I suddenly be interested in you again?
Happy International Women’s Day! Thanks to feminists, today…
- I can vote,
- I’m not my father’s property, and I won’t become my husband’s property when I get married,
- My property does not become my husband’s when I get married,
- I don’t need my husband’s permission to open a bank account,
- My husband cannot legally rape me,
- My rapist will (in most states) still be convicted even if I don’t show evidence that I fought back,
- I can use birth control pills even though I’m not married,
- I have the right to privacy when I’m pregnant and I have the right to chose when I will have children,
- I can’t be discriminated against employment for being a woman or for being pregnant,
- I have equal access to public schools and I can join the military,
- Sexual harassment is considered discrimination,
- I have the right to be paid the same as a man (though this is still not equal), and I can sue for pay discrimination…
Gender equality still has a very long way to go, but it’s come very far (at least for Americans), especially in the past 50 years!
I hope someday I can stop calling myself a feminist.
I wouldn’t be some amusing anomaly, like the token conservative or communist friend.
Because everyone would be a feminist.
Men wouldn’t balk at the word, because they would be feminists.
Sexism, misogyny, and patriarchy would offend everyone.
Mothers and fathers would both be expected to be good, involved parents.
Maternity and paternity leave would be the norm.
Media wouldn’t hyper-sexualize women.
Women wouldn’t have to work doubly-hard just to be put on par with the average man.
High-powered , high-ranking women wouldn’t be called bitches.
Women wouldn’t need to assimilate to male-dominiated workplaces.
Women wouldn’t worry about whether to wear pant or skirt-suits, or open-toed shoes, or their hair long or short or up or down, or wedding ring or no-wedding ring.
Nobody would assume the man in the marriage makes more money, or that he’s emasculated when he makes less.
Female sexuality would be considered as healthy and normal as male sexuality.
A girl would lose nothing when she has sex for the first time.
Women wouldn’t be reduced to virgins and sluts.
Men wouldn’t be excused for objectifying women. The statement “He can’t help himself when you do that/dress that way/etc.” would be erroneous.
Women wouldn’t need self-defense classes or pepper spray.
Women wouldn’t have to say “stop” because “no” would be enough.
some things about guys that give me butterflies
- blue eyes
- singing to me
- making me food
- strong arms
- kissing my forehead
- showing me things you made
- a sexy bike
- a goofy smile
- holding my hand
- kissing my freckles
- bedroom eyes
- fixing things for me
- that look… every guy has one
- reading books
- being a guy who likes that I’m girly
- killing spiders for me, being my hero and not rolling your eyes
- dirty texts
- when you laugh
- when you’re excited
- reading me your favorite stories
- when you pick me up and I remember how much bigger and stronger you are
- trying things I like
- wanting me to try things you like
- asking me questions
- when kids, grandmas, and animals like you
- getting dressed up
- telling me secrets
- when you’re happy
On ‘Oh Menver’ and my life:
I started Oh Menver after almost a year of nagging from one of my best friends: “You always have all these boys running around and the stories you tell about them are ridiculous, you have to start writing them down.”
So a few months ago I finally did. Unfortunately, by this point summer was over and grad school had begun taking the place of a social life…
I used to go out most nights of the week. There was a steady stream of dates and numbers exchanged. There was always a ‘new boy’ to name when my best friends asked—as they do in every conversation it seems.
I hardly go out anymore since school started. There haven’t been as many ‘subjects’ to write about. There’s only so many posts you can write about a guy before the scars he left start fading, or you become more annoyed that he annoys you than his actual behavior, or when you write about the third date and realize you’d be an idiot to keep him around for a fourth. My life isn’t as interesting. This is not a blog about the reading I had to do for class or the horny guys in my program that think I’m DTF just because I talked to them.
While the stream had slowed, it hadn’t stopped.
Part of the slowing was because of school. Part of it was due to how fucking jaded I am, both from my current life and from what love has done to me in the past. School is stressful enough. I could never handle school and another breakup like the ones I’ve gone through. Another part is trust. Trusting myself to know when someone is good for me. Trusting them not to leave me in their wake, psychologically fucked for almost a year.
If you’ve followed my Tumblr you know that my love life hasn’t come to a complete halt. And you know that for the past month or so, there’s been one particular person who has been slowly but surely making me smitten.
I wasn’t planning on it. I was so happily single. Dating is annoying and inconvenient. I liked focusing on myself. I thought for sure he and I would just become really good friends. That’s what I wanted. He seems so fun, we could become besties, I thought.
And then he wanted to take me out to dinner. And I said ok. And I was nervous and awkward. And I let him pay. And then I didn’t want the night to be over. And then I was disappointed when he didn’t kiss me goodnight.
THAT’S NOT HOW YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL ABOUT A POSSIBLE FUTURE BESTIE!
I was relieved that I was leaving in a couple days for Christmas back home. We couldn’t go on another date if I was 1,600 miles away. I didn’t want to fall for him or anyone.
But… when I got a text from him while waiting for my flight, it made me smile… so did all the others we exchanged throughout the day… and every day I was gone… and the phone calls and Skype chats that kept me up well into the early hours of Eastern Standard Time.
He was the first person who knew when I landed at DIA. I secretly wished he was the one picking me up outside the terminal instead of my aunt.
I was home long enough to shower and look somewhat presentable before I hurried over to see him.
Sidenote: I’m totally smiling as I write this.
You know you like someone when it starts making you crazy with anticipation wondering if and when he’s ever going to kiss you.
That didn’t happen until long after it was decided I was spending the night… and after we were cuddled up in bed…
And you know you really like someone when you finally have that first kiss and you feel a rush of relief that he’s not a bad kisser.
So this post has gone in a totally different direction than I anticipated when I first started writing it. I’m not sure what I wanted to get at and I don’t really know how to properly conclude it… but it feel it’s really long… I guess when I started my point was that this new guy—J Babes and I have named him—is to blame for the change in my posts. As much as I liked writing about the weird and interesting love life Menver has made for me, I like J Babes better, at least right now. So don’t fuck it up J Babes. ha ha. He can read this. Yeah, the downside is that I met him by way of Tumblr… which is kind of weird… but whatever.
New Boy --> J Biebs --> J Babes (I just decided this is his new name. This is my chat with the intoxicated namesake)
- J Babes: So I'm a Calvin clien [sic] model?
- me: It looked that way in your Euro underwear today. I worked at Macy's, I know what those men look like.
- J Babes: hehehe
- me: You are drunk.
- J Babes: You are drunk!
- me: OMG! What about J Babes?!?!?!?
- J Babes: ha
- me: oh.em.gee. I like that so much.
- J Babes: only if you explain that your inspiration was seeing me in my tight purple underwear
- me: BAHAHAHA
- J Babes: no for reals. ill give you a pic if you want
- me: You want me to post that?
- J Babes: if it helps with your explanation
- [no picture so far... but he's proven before he has no shame]
- It’s nice when I hear from my exes’ friends. It’s nice to know they still like me. They were cool people to lose in the ‘divorce’ and it’s sad to not have them around.
- I’m filing a lawsuit in small claims court against my ex-landlord. She never returned my deposit or gave me a list of deductions, and has totally ignored all my communications. So I’m filling out this paperwork and I don’t really know what I’m doing… Message me if you want to help!
- I have a new crush. Unfortunately I met him via Tumblr (my intentions were friend zone!) so you can blame him if my posts start getting boring. Two reasons: 1) I can’t post anything juicy about him if he’s reading it. 2) So far at least, there isn’t anything good to write because he’s a sweetheart. He doesn’t say anything stupid. He’s thoughtful. He’s smart. He’s nice. He’s a good kisser. And I like his dog.
- I really want to do a detox. Just like a couple days or something. Any suggestions?
- I wrote out that apology to T, but I haven’t sent it. I’m scared and feel dumb. Maybe because he was the one that broke up with me… but then I remind myself that I would’ve broken up with me too.
I think a lot of times relationships don’t work out because you fall in love with your idea of who the person is, instead of who he/she actually is.
You might focus on what he/she might become someday. Potential. Plans. Future. Expectation is a setup for disappointment.
You might focus on what he/she does. A career or hobbies in areas you like does not translate to making a good partner. I dated a guy who taught the blind for a living. I thought that would indicate a big heart. It didn’t. It was the worst breakup of my life.
In this same vein, you might focus on outward appearances: i.e., he volunteers, she works for a non-profit, he has a great group of friends. You forget that the “How” of a person is important too. How does he treat you? How did she react when something bad happens? I think the “How” is more important than the “Who” or “What.” The “How” is the one we tend to make excuses for. “He’s stressed out from work, he didn’t mean to blow up at me.” “She’s just proud of what she does, she’s not cocky.” “Things will get better when we finish school.”
You might realize one day the person you’re with is not the person you thought you were with. It doesn’t mean he/she is a bad person, just that you weren’t honest with yourself.
2011 was one for the books
Worst year of my life.
Lotta stuff happened:
2 states, 3 apartments, 2 boyfriends, more than a dozen other suitors (like dates), a dozen more kissed, 1 month of strep throat, 10+ visits to the doctor, 1 wedding, 1 semester of school, and too many wonderful new friends to count.
I feel I am most fulfilled ‘me’ that I’ve ever been, if that makes sense. Right now, I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
I’ve never been happier.
God please let 2012 be better. 2011 made me who I am today and I am grateful for that, but I never want to go through that much trauma ever again. I don’t know if i could take it.
Cheers to a happy 2012.
What the FUCK is my life?
First there was J… who told me to lose 10 pounds… then went crazy (like committed overnight)
Then his friend K… who insisted on taking me out… then told me beer wasn’t ladylike…
Now their friend M is currently talking to me on Facebook chat… I’ve never had a real conversation with him before… but he’s telling me “we should hang out sometime”… Oh did I mention my ex T is M’s supervisor at work?
"You care about so many things. I just… don’t. But I appreciate learning about the things you post on Facebook sometimes."