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JB is the bestest friend ever

  • me: Rub my back when I get home.
  • JB: Duh.

JB/J Babes has become my boy bestie.

  • He said he’s going to try to leave work early on Thursday and pick me up at the airport, because “no bus.”
  • I have a window in my room that opens up to the roof, so I’m going to be Clarissa and he’s going to be Sam. 
  • We’re going to sit out on my roof at night.
  • He’ll come over and I’ll cook us dinner in my giant kitchen so he doesn’t have to eat ramen.

Anonymous said: Is "I need some sex soon" meant to get a rise out of J Babes? You must've considered how he would feel, reading that.

haha oh. wow. um.. what do you mean by ‘how he would feel?’

I mean, you could probably gather from my recent posts that things between us have changed in the past week or so… Long story short, he said he wasn’t sure if we should keep doing what we’ve been doing… at the time I wasn’t sure if that meant cutting off all contact with me, or what… but since then, we have been talking. I’ve backed off though, and I don’t know how he feels about hanging out or hooking up, i.e. doing what we were doing.

Feel free to clarify what you’re asking. I’m not sure if you mean that my “I need some sex soon” implies that I’m going to be hooking up with other dudes asap, and I’m trying to make him jealous. That’s not the case. He knows me well enough to know that I don’t have sex with anyone right away. By having sex with me, he’s joined a very small club.

It’s his choice if things between us are going to change. I would be content if we continued to hang out, have sleepovers, have sex. I’m not sure if he wants that. I think that would require him to understand why I was acting/feeling the way I was the past few weeks, but I haven’t talked to him about it.

Sorry that was long. Hopefully I answered your question.

how to fuck up something great.

I never expected J Babes to become more than just a friend. Maybe a good friend.

Then when I was home for Christmas, he kept me up late every night video chatting.

He was the happiest part about my trip.

Then I came back to Denver, and he was the first person I wanted to see.

I spent the entire evening wanting to kiss him.

And then, in his bed, falling asleep in his arms, he kissed me. It was perfect. Lucky me.

I didn’t know what I wanted from him, but I knew I wanted to keep being able to kiss him. And hug him. And fall asleep with him. And hear about his day. And hear his laugh.

I never told him that’s what I wanted, but, lucky for me that’s what happened.

Then, after a while, I started to get scared. I started worrying about things changing. I worried he’d start wanting to hang out with other girls. I worried he would want a relationship. I worried if we ever got into a relationship, that he’d hurt me like all the other ones did.

I wanted to maintain the status quo. I was scared of losing it, but I didn’t tell him. I was scared of telling him I was scared.

So I just held on tighter. I demanded more. I pushed harder. I got insecure and overly-sensitive. I started acting like I wanted more from him than what he was already giving me.

The tighter I held, the more he resisted… The more he resisted, the harder I tried…

I forgot that everything I had was all that I wanted.

I couldn’t be in a relationship. My life is too busy right now. I didn’t want to see him every day. I didn’t have time to go out with him on the weekends. I didn’t want to expose my heart.

I was content with talking almost every day and seeing him when we were free. Sometimes that was a few times in a week, sometimes it was once in two weeks. It was ideal. 

All I needed to do was to just be. All I needed to say was that I was scared.

But I didn’t. 

I held on tight. I held on to the point he couldn’t take it anymore.

Then I finally tried to tell him. But the damage I did might be irreparable at this point.

There might be no more ‘good morning’ texts, or phone calls on his drive home, or cooking him dinner, or hugs, or getting high together, or dirty texts, or waking up in his bed with a fresh cup of coffee and a snuggly puppy, or kisses, or knowing he cares, or asking me about my day, or falling asleep with my head on his chest, or sex, or being overwhelmed with lust, or hearing his contagious laugh, or him knowing exactly what to say, or chivalry, or rubbing his back, or enjoying every inch of his body, or feeling special, or blushing when he tells me I’m beautiful, or getting butterflies, or my heart melting every time he says a word that reveals his accent, or spending extra time getting ready when I know I’ll see him later, or feeling excited when I’m about to see him, or knowing he’ll be around even though we haven’t seen each other in a week, or feeling like we’ll always be great friends.

J Babes on my last post:

  • JB: I think you should mention how I dont like men being called feminists.
  • me: Yeah?
  • JB: How that's just what guys should be. Calling a guy a feminist is wrong.
  • me: I know guys who call themselves feminists.
  • JB: A "feminist" guy is what a normal guy should be considered, but because guys are now supposed to be dicks and treat everyone like shit, now the nice guys have to be labeled as something. I'm just a guy. I'm what a guy should be. I love and respect women. I treat them as equals. That's a man. A guy who treats women like shit is just that, he is not a man.

I made me and J Babes on Hipster Dress-Up

Bummed

I need a nap, but I live next to the highway and it’s rush hour in Denver… meaning someone is laying on their horn every 30 seconds. 

Also, my roommate’s college bff is here… Picture a big midwestern state university. Think of the quintessential male student. Times two. Minus their accents. I’ve mentioned before how I can’t understand my roommate, even though he was raised 4 hours away from me. Well, his friend is even worse. I’m not sure what his name is. It might be Troy, maybe Trey, or Torrey, or Terry… OPEN YOUR MOUTHS YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, YOU WERE RAISED IN CORNFIELDS, NOT WITH BOOMHAUER. 

It is Thursday evening and they are here watching some sport on tv and making a dent in their stockpile of beer. 

Why come to Denver if you’re going to do the same thing you could back home?

He will be here for a week.

Thank goodness I have J Babes to distract me, tonight at least. Also, I like how JB, who grew up in the south, is easier to understand than someone from a state that borders mine. Maybe because JB actually opens his mouth all the way when he talks. 

sushi + sake + weed + sex + cuddling + getting my car unstuck + mexican food = Valentine’s Day 2012

I got lots of my favorite things. J Babes makes a great Valentine. 

Happy Valentine’s Day!

J Babes took me out to sushi and sake last night. 

My shower broke and almost killed him and/or his balls this morning.

I will probably have to miss class to take a shower at the gym since my landlord hasn’t called me back. I smell like weed and sex and look so unacceptable right now.

We might have a romantic date at Qdoba tonight. BOGO for a kiss!

J Babes is a great Valentine :)

I know I’ve said it before… but seriously, HOW. THE. FUCK. does a person play video games as much as my roommate does? I don’t know if it will ever cease to amaze, anger, exasperate, and annoy me. I don’t understand how he’s not bored yet. 

Conclusion: he’s a fucking idiot.

My lease doesn’t end til July. 

J Babes, you need to have me sleep over more… and if you’re not up for it, find me someone who is. 

Anonymous said: what attracts you to this "J-Babes"?

Well… hmm… where do I start…

Well since I met him via Tumblr, I first was attracted to the parts of his personality and interests he shared in his posts, which is definitely different than how I would normally meet a guy… aka first a physical attraction, and then after I’d start learning more about him.

So anyway, I liked that he’s into bikes, art, and photography. He seemed like a happy, optimistic guy who has a lot of fun and enjoys life. I really liked that he’s pursuing his passions and values fulfillment over pleasing other people’s expectations.

And… when we started talking more via this bullshit question thing and later on Facebook, I mean I still thought of him as like probably just going to be a friend… but the friend thing is important. I would totally want to be his friend if things didn’t work out. He’s genuine, true to himself, funny, dorky, intelligent, honest, chill, and it’s really easy to talk to him. Our personalities go well together and we share a lot of the same values.

So… then we hung out and he took me out to dinner… the first time I saw him he was wearing purple pants. I really like how he dresses. Also, he’s tall. I fucking adore tallness. He’s almost a foot taller than me. I’m also a sucker for blue eyes and his are an awesome light blue. He’s always smiling. He’s a total southern gentleman. He has a cute accent. He’s thoughtful and remembers little things about me that most people would forget… like on our first date when we sat down he took my plate and switched it with his, so I had the green one, my favorite color. It probably sounds dorky but I thought it was cute, I didn’t even remember telling him my favorite color.

And finally, he’s what you could call a “nice guy.” This is new for me. It’s like a whole different breed of male. And he seems patient and sensitive enough to understand that I have a hard time trusting, and it’s nothing he did, but guys that came before him. 

So… ya… that was a really long answer. I probably should’ve just done bullet points… 

My ADHD is so bad tonight. 

I only have like 15 pages to read for tomorrow. 

It’s TMI Tuesday… I haven’t answered many questions lately… Go for it if you feel like it.

I am so tired.

I drank coffee today. Terrible idea. It doesn’t wake me up, it just makes me feel weird and probably interacts with the Adderall I’m on.

I’m living alone next year… unless I’m love by the time my lease runs up, then I’d consider co-habitating… or unless some like-minded friends want to live in a house. I fucking hate apartment living. And having a roommate that doesn’t value recycling. But he has bought toilet paper the last few times, which is thoughtful since I definitely use more than him…

J Babes and I (finally) sorted our shit out last night… and we’re on the same page it seems.

Except, as much as we both are lacking in free time, I seem to be the only one not ok with going a week without getting laid. And ya sure I’m taking for granted how long it had been since I got any before him… but come on, isn’t there some universal truth behind “once you pop, you can’t stop” or “breaking the seal”? or shouldn’t you just be taking advantage of your VIP access to booty that’s 15 minutes away? 

I should’ve gone running or done yoga… 

The touchpad/mouse thing on my macbook is like not working very well. It’s like an effort to click anything.. I don’t know how to fix it.

I really want to go hiking and camping and swimming and hot tubbing… oh! or go to some hot springs! I’ve always wanted to do that!

Why can I read 12 articles online but not 10 pages in my textbook? 

Ok… I need to stop.

On ‘Oh Menver’ and my life:

I started Oh Menver after almost a year of nagging from one of my best friends: “You always have all these boys running around and the stories you tell about them are ridiculous, you have to start writing them down.”

So a few months ago I finally did. Unfortunately, by this point summer was over and grad school had begun taking the place of a social life…

I used to go out most nights of the week. There was a steady stream of dates and numbers exchanged. There was always a ‘new boy’ to name when my best friends asked—as they do in every conversation it seems.

I hardly go out anymore since school started. There haven’t been as many ‘subjects’ to write about. There’s only so many posts you can write about a guy before the scars he left start fading, or you become more annoyed that he annoys you than his actual behavior, or when you write about the third date and realize you’d be an idiot to keep him around for a fourth. My life isn’t as interesting. This is not a blog about the reading I had to do for class or the horny guys in my program that think I’m DTF just because I talked to them.

While the stream had slowed, it hadn’t stopped. 

Part of the slowing was because of school. Part of it was due to how fucking jaded I am, both from my current life and from what love has done to me in the past. School is stressful enough. I could never handle school and another breakup like the ones I’ve gone through. Another part is trust. Trusting myself to know when someone is good for me. Trusting them not to leave me in their wake, psychologically fucked for almost a year.

If you’ve followed my Tumblr you know that my love life hasn’t come to a complete halt. And you know that for the past month or so, there’s been one particular person who has been slowly but surely making me smitten.

I wasn’t planning on it. I was so happily single. Dating is annoying and inconvenient. I liked focusing on myself. I thought for sure he and I would just become really good friends. That’s what I wanted. He seems so fun, we could become besties, I thought. 

And then he wanted to take me out to dinner. And I said ok. And I was nervous and awkward. And I let him pay. And then I didn’t want the night to be over. And then I was disappointed when he didn’t kiss me goodnight.

THAT’S NOT HOW YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL ABOUT A POSSIBLE FUTURE BESTIE!

I was relieved that I was leaving in a couple days for Christmas back home. We couldn’t go on another date if I was 1,600 miles away. I didn’t want to fall for him or anyone. 

But… when I got a text from him while waiting for my flight, it made me smile… so did all the others we exchanged throughout the day… and every day I was gone… and the phone calls and Skype chats that kept me up well into the early hours of Eastern Standard Time. 

He was the first person who knew when I landed at DIA. I secretly wished he was the one picking me up outside the terminal instead of my aunt.

I was home long enough to shower and look somewhat presentable before I hurried over to see him. 

Sidenote: I’m totally smiling as I write this. 

You know you like someone when it starts making you crazy with anticipation wondering if and when he’s ever going to kiss you. 

That didn’t happen until long after it was decided I was spending the night… and after we were cuddled up in bed…

And you know you really like someone when you finally have that first kiss and you feel a rush of relief that he’s not a bad kisser. 

So this post has gone in a totally different direction than I anticipated when I first started writing it. I’m not sure what I wanted to get at and I don’t really know how to properly conclude it… but it feel it’s really long…  I guess when I started my point was that this new guy—J Babes and I have named him—is to blame for the change in my posts. As much as I liked writing about the weird and interesting love life Menver has made for me, I like J Babes better, at least right now. So don’t fuck it up J Babes. ha ha. He can read this. Yeah, the downside is that I met him by way of Tumblr… which is kind of weird… but whatever. 

J Babes wants you all to know that he picked weed over me tonight. Yep, that’s how he celebrates his first day at his new job.

He hasn’t seen me in almost a week.

I’m supposed to get my period tomorrow. 

Karma.

J Babes made me late for class this morning… on the first day back! Good thing there was a snow storm so I had an excuse. 

It was worth it anyway.