Oh Menver

2012

January:
Kissed JB at midnight,
Started my second semester of law school,
Got my first semester grades back (wasn’t happy with two of them),
Slept with JB for the first time 

February: 
Spent Valentine’s Day with JB trying to be unromantic, we had fun,
Lawyered my ex-landlord,
Guy from school took advantage of me while I was drunk (grabbing and stuff), 
Started avoiding school as much as possible 

March:
Broke it off with JB,
Spring break in Denver,
Met who would become Manfriend,
Had an amazing 23-hour first date with Manfriend,
Barrister’s Ball, still anxious and depressed about what happened at the last school function 

April:
Fell hard for Manfriend,
JB moved in with a girl, he and I got into a huge fight, then made up,
Turned 25,
Spent a lot of time with Manfriend 

May:
Friend from high school died,
Navy sister went to Afghanistan,
Manfriend stopped talking to me for almost 4 weeks,
Finished my second semester of law school,
Slept with T,
Got my tonsils out,
T told me he couldn’t speak to me anymore (made up with his gf),
Throat ruptured a week after my surgery, all alone and gushing blood, literally thought I was dying for about 30 minutes, ambulance took me to the hospital,
Lost 15 lbs, went from a size 4 to a 2

June:
Started my summer externship,
Made up with Manfriend,
Got my second semester grades back, happier except for one class,
Got my first tattoo,
Felt happy 

July:
Another fight with Manfriend, he didn’t speak to me for 2 weeks,
Slept with JB a few times while Manfriend wasn’t speaking to me,
Had a terrible terrible experience with an edible, which I will never do again (or eat Jimmy John’s again),
Made up with Manfriend,
Finished my summer externship,
Lost my scholarship (2.9, needed a 3.0) 

August:
Moved out of my dreaded apartment and into an awesome house by City Park with two awesome dudes,
Went back to Michigan for 9 days,
Started my second year of law school,
Got my second tattoo with my girl Lynds 

September:
School got to be overwhelming,
Grandpa died (the best Grandpa I could ask for), flew to Detroit for the funeral, heartbreaking,
Anxiety going from bad to horrible,
Navy sister (a year younger than me) came back from Afghanistan,
Manfriend broke up with me

October:
Navy sister got engaged,
Really really really depressed about Manfriend, 
Went through my I’m-single-again-so-party-every-night-and-get-wasted phase,
Streets of London stopped carding me,
Got an OK Cupid account and 100 messages the first weekend,
Went on one good OKC date (sorry I didn’t hang again, kind of) and one very terrible date (sorry I let you kiss me),
JB became my friend with benefits,
Mental breakdowns 

November:
JB and I got robbed at gunpoint,
Stopped going out,
Got my third tattoo: JB and I got matching unicorn tattoos (BFFs!)
Visited my Navy sister in California for Thanksgiving,
Really really missed JB while I was gone

December:
JB and I were becoming more than just FWB’s,
Finally saw a shrink about my anxiety,
Halfway finished with law school,
Went back to Michigan for Christmas, got food poisoning and only got to see one of my friends,
JB and I became “official” on Facebook 

The trouble with guy friends…

A couple of them have an unusually high interest in my love life and always seem to have something negative to say about whomever I’m currently seeing.

S and Z are both guys, both my friends, and friends with each other. Z has told me several times he thinks we’re soul mates. S likes to encourage him. The most dramatic time happened at a party I invited J Babes to when I first met him.

S knows J Babes better than Z. S knows vaguely about what’s going on between me and JB. Despite my objections, S thinks JB and I are in a relationship—a tumultuous love/hate relationship. Oh, also, S is extremely dramatic.

Even though I rarely talk to Z now (since he’s turning into a desperate creep) I’ve noticed that when he has called me, it’s always during a period when S thinks JB and I “broke up.” Z even asked if he could be my date to Barrister’s if JB doesn’t go. If JB doesn’t go, I’m going by myself. Z will whine about it all night. 

I’m so annoyed. 

some things about guys that give me butterflies

• blue eyes
• chivalry 
• singing to me
• tattoos
• making me food
• strong arms
• kissing my forehead
• curiosity
• showing me things you made
• a sexy bike
• a goofy smile
• holding my hand
• kissing my freckles
• bedroom eyes
• fixing things for me
• hugs
• surprises 
• that look… every guy has one
• reading books
• PDA
• being a guy who likes that I’m girly 
• killing spiders for me, being my hero and not rolling your eyes
• dirty texts
• when you laugh
• when you’re excited
• reading me your favorite stories
• when you pick me up and I remember how much bigger and stronger you are
• trying things I like
• wanting me to try things you like
• asking me questions
• when kids, grandmas, and animals like you
• getting dressed up
• talent
• telling me secrets
• when you’re happy

Anonymous asked: what attracts you to this "J-Babes"?

Well… hmm… where do I start…

Well since I met him via Tumblr, I first was attracted to the parts of his personality and interests he shared in his posts, which is definitely different than how I would normally meet a guy… aka first a physical attraction, and then after I’d start learning more about him.

So anyway, I liked that he’s into bikes, art, and photography. He seemed like a happy, optimistic guy who has a lot of fun and enjoys life. I really liked that he’s pursuing his passions and values fulfillment over pleasing other people’s expectations.

And… when we started talking more via this bullshit question thing and later on Facebook, I mean I still thought of him as like probably just going to be a friend… but the friend thing is important. I would totally want to be his friend if things didn’t work out. He’s genuine, true to himself, funny, dorky, intelligent, honest, chill, and it’s really easy to talk to him. Our personalities go well together and we share a lot of the same values.

So… then we hung out and he took me out to dinner… the first time I saw him he was wearing purple pants. I really like how he dresses. Also, he’s tall. I fucking adore tallness. He’s almost a foot taller than me. I’m also a sucker for blue eyes and his are an awesome light blue. He’s always smiling. He’s a total southern gentleman. He has a cute accent. He’s thoughtful and remembers little things about me that most people would forget… like on our first date when we sat down he took my plate and switched it with his, so I had the green one, my favorite color. It probably sounds dorky but I thought it was cute, I didn’t even remember telling him my favorite color.

And finally, he’s what you could call a “nice guy.” This is new for me. It’s like a whole different breed of male. And he seems patient and sensitive enough to understand that I have a hard time trusting, and it’s nothing he did, but guys that came before him. 

So… ya… that was a really long answer. I probably should’ve just done bullet points… 

On ‘Oh Menver’ and my life:

I started Oh Menver after almost a year of nagging from one of my best friends: “You always have all these boys running around and the stories you tell about them are ridiculous, you have to start writing them down.”

So a few months ago I finally did. Unfortunately, by this point summer was over and grad school had begun taking the place of a social life…

I used to go out most nights of the week. There was a steady stream of dates and numbers exchanged. There was always a ‘new boy’ to name when my best friends asked—as they do in every conversation it seems.

I hardly go out anymore since school started. There haven’t been as many ‘subjects’ to write about. There’s only so many posts you can write about a guy before the scars he left start fading, or you become more annoyed that he annoys you than his actual behavior, or when you write about the third date and realize you’d be an idiot to keep him around for a fourth. My life isn’t as interesting. This is not a blog about the reading I had to do for class or the horny guys in my program that think I’m DTF just because I talked to them.

While the stream had slowed, it hadn’t stopped. 

Part of the slowing was because of school. Part of it was due to how fucking jaded I am, both from my current life and from what love has done to me in the past. School is stressful enough. I could never handle school and another breakup like the ones I’ve gone through. Another part is trust. Trusting myself to know when someone is good for me. Trusting them not to leave me in their wake, psychologically fucked for almost a year.

If you’ve followed my Tumblr you know that my love life hasn’t come to a complete halt. And you know that for the past month or so, there’s been one particular person who has been slowly but surely making me smitten.

I wasn’t planning on it. I was so happily single. Dating is annoying and inconvenient. I liked focusing on myself. I thought for sure he and I would just become really good friends. That’s what I wanted. He seems so fun, we could become besties, I thought. 

And then he wanted to take me out to dinner. And I said ok. And I was nervous and awkward. And I let him pay. And then I didn’t want the night to be over. And then I was disappointed when he didn’t kiss me goodnight.

THAT’S NOT HOW YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL ABOUT A POSSIBLE FUTURE BESTIE!

I was relieved that I was leaving in a couple days for Christmas back home. We couldn’t go on another date if I was 1,600 miles away. I didn’t want to fall for him or anyone. 

But… when I got a text from him while waiting for my flight, it made me smile… so did all the others we exchanged throughout the day… and every day I was gone… and the phone calls and Skype chats that kept me up well into the early hours of Eastern Standard Time. 

He was the first person who knew when I landed at DIA. I secretly wished he was the one picking me up outside the terminal instead of my aunt.

I was home long enough to shower and look somewhat presentable before I hurried over to see him. 

Sidenote: I’m totally smiling as I write this. 

You know you like someone when it starts making you crazy with anticipation wondering if and when he’s ever going to kiss you. 

That didn’t happen until long after it was decided I was spending the night… and after we were cuddled up in bed…

And you know you really like someone when you finally have that first kiss and you feel a rush of relief that he’s not a bad kisser. 

…

So this post has gone in a totally different direction than I anticipated when I first started writing it. I’m not sure what I wanted to get at and I don’t really know how to properly conclude it… but it feel it’s really long…  I guess when I started my point was that this new guy—J Babes and I have named him—is to blame for the change in my posts. As much as I liked writing about the weird and interesting love life Menver has made for me, I like J Babes better, at least right now. So don’t fuck it up J Babes. ha ha. He can read this. Yeah, the downside is that I met him by way of Tumblr… which is kind of weird… but whatever. 

lately…

1. It’s nice when I hear from my exes’ friends. It’s nice to know they still like me. They were cool people to lose in the ‘divorce’ and it’s sad to not have them around.
2. I’m filing a lawsuit in small claims court against my ex-landlord. She never returned my deposit or gave me a list of deductions, and has totally ignored all my communications. So I’m filling out this paperwork and I don’t really know what I’m doing… Message me if you want to help!
3. I have a new crush. Unfortunately I met him via Tumblr (my intentions were friend zone!) so you can blame him if my posts start getting boring. Two reasons: 1) I can’t post anything juicy about him if he’s reading it. 2) So far at least, there isn’t anything good to write because he’s a sweetheart. He doesn’t say anything stupid. He’s thoughtful. He’s smart. He’s nice. He’s a good kisser. And I like his dog.
4. I really want to do a detox. Just like a couple days or something. Any suggestions? 
5. I wrote out that apology to T, but I haven’t sent it. I’m scared and feel dumb. Maybe because he was the one that broke up with me… but then I remind myself that I would’ve broken up with me too.

‎2011 was one for the books

Worst year of my life.

Lotta stuff happened: 
2 states, 3 apartments, 2 boyfriends, more than a dozen other suitors (like dates), a dozen more kissed, 1 month of strep throat, 10+ visits to the doctor, 1 wedding, 1 semester of school, and too many wonderful new friends to count.

I feel I am most fulfilled ‘me’ that I’ve ever been, if that makes sense. Right now, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. 

I’ve never been happier.

God please let 2012 be better. 2011 made me who I am today and I am grateful for that, but I never want to go through that much trauma ever again. I don’t know if i could take it.

Cheers to a happy 2012.

Anonymous asked: Tell us about the smallest penis you ever encountered and how you reacted. :P

oh.my.god. 

well… ok. so here’s the backstory:

I started dating my first boyfriend my junior year of high school. We broke up once during my junior year of college. At that point, he was the only guy I’d ever been with and I had no frame of reference when it came to knowing if he was big/small/average. I assumed he was average. 

So, when we broke up, I went on a drinking and dating binge. I dated most of the eligible dudes at my school. (it was a small school with a high female to male ratio.)

Anyway, one of the first guys I hung out with asked ‘if I just wanted to order food and watch a movie at his place because there wasn’t much going on that night.’ (Me and my innocence didn’t yet realize this was a fairly common ploy…at least in my later experience)

Conveniently, his TV wasn’t working so we watched a movie in his room on his computer. I don’t remember the details, but one thing led to another and now he’d taken his pants off and wanted me to do something. 

His penis was like half the size of the only one I was familiar with.

I didn’t know what to do. Was this normal? Was he hard yet? Was it going to get bigger? 

It was in my hand. I didn’t want to hurt it. 

He was super turned on and I was confused. Then all of a sudden he came. 

The next day I asked my best guy friend if a guy can orgasm without being hard. I also googled it. I didn’t understand. It was like a baby penis. 

i need a hug

today i am pathetic and whiney… don’t read this.

i need a massage and my chiropractor, chocolate, a hug, my headache to go away, to not get ridiculously emotional over news articles (pms?), not be nauseous.

quinoa just exploded in my microwave.

i met this guy from school last week while some of us were at the bar after exams. we talked for a while. he’s a nice guy. now he keeps asking me to hang out. i don’t know what to do. it’s clear he wants to go out on a “date.” so i never called him back last time i said i would. now he probably thinks i’m a jerk. i want to be friends with him, but i never ever want to date him. but if i talk to him now, it’s like he’ll think i am interested or something. i feel so bad. ugh. this has happened a few times. idk what i’m doing wrong.  

there is a glass jar in my trash can. what doesn’t my roommate understand about recycling? 

i now have a giant bloody gash on the bottom of my big toe. when i moved into my apartment, the edges of the carpet weren’t like covered or molded or whatever they call it. so where it meets the tile in the kitchen, there’s a 2” gap and the tacks stick out. my landlord was supposed to fix this like 4 months ago. i learned the hard way when i moved in to be careful and step over them, but today i’m spaced out and now have a bloody toe.

my back account should just say “poor” instead of giving me a number. it doesn’t matter.

i’m hungry for restaurant food.

my face is falling apart. i have acne, sort of… for the first time in my whole life. that was supposed to happen at least 10 years ago. and it’s dry at the same time. and i’m getting wrinkles. i blame school. and my skin being designed for humid climates.

my neighbors are drilling and hammering. i want to cry. my poor head.

Anonymous asked: Who's the perfect guy in your eyes, physical wise?

hmm… well… let’s see… i guess all my relationships were with guys that were considered very attractive in the objective sense, but they were very different looking people. 
Ok, so I’ll give you the qualities in appearance i’m a total sucker for/usually are characteristics of who i date:

• 6’ or taller. (sorry guys, but height is one thing i can’t get over. i like them tall. 6’2” or 6’3” is very lovely. lots of girls say they like tall guys but still will compromise…. i can’t really…)
• pretty eyes. 
• i’m a total sucker for blue eyes. all my significant relationships were with blue eyed babes. green eyes are cool too (like me!) but are rare finds… (i am the 2%…)
• 170-200lbs. strong. (my most recent ex was 6’3” 175, the one before was 6’ 200… both were strong and sexy. i recently dated a 6’3” 160lb guy… too skinny. it freaked me out. you have to be able to handle/carry/pick up the 130ish lbs of me)
• i like white guys that can get tan in the summer, unlike my irish/anglo/scandinavian skin. i like skin darker than mine. (brown boys are hot too)
• brown hair.. or dark blonde… 
• the above two are subject to exception for the beautiful men of my motherlands. especially swedes. 
• nice arms. omg arms are where it’s at. 
• big hands
• small feet creep me out… maybe because i have big feet (9’s)…
• beards can be good
• usually, shorter hair (esp parted on the side!!) but jesus hair is hot too (like the guy from silversun pickups, or even cults)
• ok, if you resemble jesus (jew or white painting version), or ryan gosling, or jack kerouac, or a young marlon brando, or jim morrison…yes, please.
• good teeth. a little bit crooked is cute, but keep that shit white. floss your teeth every day at least once. 
• tattoos are hot… sufficient but not necessary. (i still kinda miss one of my ex’s mostly because i’m totally in love with his tattoos) also, if you have tattoos i hate, it will be much harder for me to like you…
• a strong jawline
• a nice booty
• flat stomach… strong… no 6-pack required, but please no belly, and please have it be stronger than mine.
• annnd he’s all wrapped up in a lovely package of cute clothes. 
• oh and bikes and guitars are the best accessories. 

yep… 

Anonymous asked: I stumbled upon your blog during a study break (finals week can suck it) and have honestly read the entire thing from the beginning. In case you were wondering that is a massive amount of study time I lost. You should be ashamed of yourself -_- In all seriousness though, I love this blog, especially the stories of your romantic history, can't quite put my finger on the reason why but they have helped me to view the guys in my past/present in a new, less romanticized light, Thank you, seriously.

wow. thanks so much for the message, totally made my night! 

if it makes you feel better, i should have been studying the past few hours instead of writing…. 

Anonymous asked: How come you're so picky?

it’s that obvious? haha
idk maybe because i’ve dated too many guys. 
too many guys are into me. like really, i get asked out a lot… 
i don’t have time for most of them.
idk why they’re into me in the first place. usually whatever novelty i am to them wears off pretty fast anyway, so why waste my or their time.
i kind of hate ‘dating’… 
there’s a lot of things that turn me off.
i’m not physically attracted to the vast majority of males. (yes, i am definitely straight)
i have high expectations for myself and my own life, so i guess i want someone with similar values. 
i’m really opinionated, difficult, weird about things other people don’t usually understand (unless it’s one of those special dudes who ‘gets me’)
i’m not bad looking and i’m pretty smart too… so… yeah….
i’m very good at reading people and my first impressions are overwhelmingly right. 
i get hate from certain people in my life for being picky, but i just know what i want and what i don’t want.
i’m not picky about everything…. like my last bf was a former punk/former fuck-up/got his ged/finishing college/tattooed/thin… the one before that was granola/teacher/former college lax player/muscly… both attractive as fuck in my book.

Anonymous asked: Would you ever date a guy younger than you? Assuming, of course, the age difference wasn't huge.

yes. my last bf was a year younger than me. usually i end up with guys a few years older, not that i plan it, but that’s just what happens. i used to be weird about age, but what matters is maturity/timing/life situations. the bigger the gap, the less we’ll have in common. more than a year younger would be hard for me because there’s a good chance that person hasn’t really been out on his own yet.

although i’ve done it causally (on both ends on the spectrum) i probably couldn’t seriously date anyone not born in the 80’s.